Just Another Fish

So, in the early hours of this morning I was busy being asleep and dreaming:

I’m hanging around with a lad (the feel of the dream is that we’re teenagers or something) who’s not, I think, anyone I know IRL. I don’t know why I’m hanging round with him; I remember the definite vibe that he’s a complete bastard and I don’t like him, I’m there almost against my will and feel a bit threatened by him. We’re not the only two there: also present are two girls.

I’m not sure how if there was much to the dream before the bit that I remember, but we’re at the back of a garden. Whatever the boy’s planning, I don’t like it, but at this point his part in the dream ends and the interesting bit begins.

I think I accidentally knocked against one of the girls, and somehow this became a very brief, surprising kiss. Perhaps in shock at this I fall against the fence we’re standing next to, but the girl steps closer. Just as we’re about to touch there’s this amazing sensation of intimacy; hypersensitivity to her and her proximity like electricity, expectation and…

… well, there I’m going to have to leave off, not from modesty but because the bloody alarm clock went off.

Aargh. Aargh. Aargh. Aargh.

And I do know this girl, she’s on facebook, and no I’m not saying who she is! (Though I think you’d be surprised - I was….)

What’s to say? I have no desire to get any kind of medical help, but I wish I wasn’t so completely at the mercy of my moods.

Two things are certain: a 27 year-old should be over this kind of thing (or at least have it under control), and no-one wants to hear about it.

That’s not a plea, BTW. If there was someone I felt I could talk to, I would be talking to them. This at least is a way of pretending I’m doing so.

Fecking angst. Sick of it. Can’t even remember if I’ve felt normal recently, can’t get perspective. Not when I’m this bleak.

Could someone tell me when I was last normal?

I should go to bed.   

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